Baked Potatoes + Pepper Sauce Recipe.

img_8027Ingredients.
* Potatoes
* Pepper
* Onions
* Salt
* Ginger
* Garlic
* Seasoning
* Olive oil
* Water
* Thyme
* Cayenne pepper
* Onion
* Soy sauce

Preparation.
– Potatoes
* Chop your potatoes into large pieces; leave the skin on to prevent excess nutrient loss.
* Boil in salted water for about 10mins
* Drain
* Allow to cool and peel off the skin
* Sprinkle thyme, salt, cayenne pepper and place in the oven.
* Bake until golden brown

– Pepper sauce
* Blend onions, pepper, garlic, ginger to your desired taste
* Heat (2 tablespoons of) olive oil
* Add your pepper etc and fry until dry
* Add soy sauce
* Add thyme
* Stir

serve.

Your food is ready. Bòn appetit

Hello, New Christian.

So while we all ushered in the new year, I’m sure….or at least, I hope…some of us resolved to move closer to God this new year. Wouldn’t that make for the best New Year’s resolution? So today I decided to write this to everyone like me who is new in faith and growing in God’s love and grace. The aim isn’t to push you away from Him, but to help you better understand His love.

So last year, I decided to let go and let God. I was at a point in my life where everything seemed to be in disarray and I knew I needed an extra help. Usually I am the most chilled person but I was stressed and troubled and having trouble sleeping and I lost a lot of weight. One day, I thought “Lota, maybe it’s high time you stoop trying to do everything alone and let someone else help”. Question was, who to let help. I tried confiding in a few friends but I could tell no one truly understood, neither could they help, nor did confiding in them make my problems go away. One day, I got on my knees in the middle of the night and I tried to pray but all I did was cry. For such a long time, tears simply rolled down and all I could say was “Lord, please give me peace.” I slept that night and the next morning, I opened my Google and keyed in “bible verses for God’s peace”. A few verses came up:
Philippians 4:7
1 Peter 5:7
Proverb 16:7
Psalm 119:165 were some of the verses I found..

So here I was, thinking “so you mean to tell me that He will automatically give me peace if my way pleases Him? Oh aiit, small thing ”

I tried to do the fire hose, quick fix Christianity but I forgot an important thing “seek ye first the kingdom of God, and EVERY OTHER THING shall be added unto you”. So suffice to say my peace wasn’t coming.. I hated the fact that I’d repented for 2 days and God wasn’t giving me what I wanted….peace. I mean, just imagine. Long story short, I made up my mind to go for the marathon, not the relay.
I decided to share this, this morning because I know how difficult Christianity can be for a young Christian in faith. You want to be good, you want to do right but you can’t do right all the time. It’s a constant game of stumbling and falling and rising. You aren’t made to be perfect, neither were you made to live in sin. It’s a continuous struggle. Even Apostle Paul knew this when He said in Romans 7:15 “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.” If the great Apostle Paul could understand that sin is a natural default of the body, who are you to decide to be judge over yourself and condemn yourself because you have deemed yourself condemned? Revelation 2:5, 2 Cor 7:9-10, Acts 3:18-19…. Do not ever forget God’s love which transcends beyond our iniquities and His forgiveness that is beyond our sin. Also do not forget Romans 6:1-4.. do not take advantage..

Jesus is my groom now and like in every marriage, there are days when I don’t want to love my husband and my eyes catch a young stud and I want to cheat. There are days I might actually cheat on whatever level, but I’m married to a man who loves me beyond my understanding. A man who loved me before I was born. A man who is married to me whether I think I’m married to him or not. Now, it’s left to me to simply decide to no longer consciously cheat and do right by Him. To decide to die to the world so I may be alive in Him. Only then can I unlock all the levels of promises and fulfillment of His promises which surpasses anything the world could ever give.

One day we will talk about being a new Christian again, hopefully our lives would be better and more richly blessed because we have let our maker in.

And yes…. I finally found peace😊

Dear Future Husband… 2

​ wrote a letter to you once, Future Husband, but I wrote it based on someone I liked. I’m getting married to you, so obviously that didn’t work. I don’t know you or what you look like, I may never meet you but here’s how I feel. I am writing this from a really low place, so I’m going to try as much as I can to be honest.
I am 26 now, and I do realize that my clock is ticking according to my African background. I also do realize that I am anything but traditional, so I’m neither desperate nor in a hurry to get married. I miss you. I know it sounds strange but I do. I probably have already met you, I most likely haven’t but I can’t wait to know you. I am a broken woman laden with insecurities and distrust and I am not ashamed to tell you. All my life, I feel like I keep meeting the wrong people at the right time or the right people at the wrong time. I have either loved too much or not enough, gave too much or didn’t give enough. It was always one or the other, no matter how much I tried. I have had to tell myself severally that it was because I hadn’t met you yet. I still think i am right. I have found myself shrinking and doubting myself, unsure of if I was doing the right thing. Questioning myself every step of every way. Wondering if I was expecting too much out of life or people. I have given so much of myself that sometimes, I wonder if I haven’t given too much or if there’s anything left to give.
I have come to realise that there will always be a new excuse why they couldn’t love me. If I wasn’t too much, I wasn’t enough. My career is going to always be a reason why it won’t always be easy or why it won’t work, and I understand. I also understand the beauty of family and to know me is to know I’ll never put anything or anyone before you and our kids. I am always going to be in the public eye and that’s why I need trust to be an absolute. I am not ashamed to say I need someone to mend my broken heart and heal my wounds. Someone to renew my faith in men and people, and I promise to be here too to heal you where you are broken. I know I’m deserving of the kind of love I want, because it’s the kind of love I am willing to give. I am trying to get closer to God and I hope you are willing to do the same or you are there already to help me along.
I understand that I am scared of commitment, but I also realize that when I find the right one, I won’t question it. My fear of commitment stems from the fear that everyone always leaves so I have tried to play it safe by not getting attached. Truth is, I have hurt myself trying to avoid being hurt by someone else. I am tired of holding all my love in, I am tired of pretending that I don’t care as much as I do. That’s not the way I love. I believe in giving everything and being everything. All I want above all else, is someone who isn’t scared of giving their all and who’s willing to take my all. I can’t pretend to not care so much for fear that you’ll be overwhelmed, I want you to be overwhelmed. I want to be overwhelmed too. I want to lay awake at night asking myself how someone can possibly love me that much, and to make you ask the same. I want you to be obsessed with me, to look at me like I’m made of magic. To know that I am only human but to think me divine.
I understand that we live in a world where everyone is scared, no one wants to be played. I want to be your peace, I want to be the one who holds your hand when you ask God for His blessings. I want to be the one who thanks God with you when the blessings come your way. I want to be your best-friend and your homie, I want to be responsible for your food and your orgasms (I promise you a lot of both) , your laughter and your anti-pain medication. I want cuddles and addictions to each other. I want poems and cute texts and goofy songs and piggy back rides. I want forehead kisses and slow dances. I want a dream with no nightmare. I want a lot of God and a lot of praying together. I want a lot of surprises and a lot of romance. I want breakfast in bed and late night strolls. I want vacations together and even if we can’t afford it yet, a visit to the conservative is very fine too and a stroll and picnic along the beach cannot be over hyped. I want us to grow (old) together, building each other up. I want to be able to show you off and not feel stupid. I want to play board games with you and have quiet nights in. I want that 1 Cor 13, Ephesians 5: 22-33 kind of love and marriage. I believe in abstinence until marriage, a bed kept pure. Thessalonians 4:3, 2 Timothy 2:22, 1 Cor 6:18…. I am not willing to compromise on this, which is why like I said, I hope you are Godly.

Love helps people grow, love makes people bloom. I want to help you bloom. No matter where you are in life, I want to make you better.. I never want to make you feel like you are second choice because you aren’t. I am a lover and not a fighter, so don’t expect a girl who starts fights. I want to be your peace, I want to be the one you can turn to when the world is difficult. The one who holds you in her arms and you know everything is going to be fine. Our love is not a competition, it’s not a tug of war. I’m your partner not your rival, I’m your ally not the enemy. I’m here to help you build, I’m here to support you all the way. Faithfulness is of extreme importance to me Hebrews 13:4. I will never compromise on that, you shouldn’t either. Everyone deserves someone who doesn’t make them sit in bed at night wondering if a part of it was their fault. If they weren’t good enough. You deserve a wife of utmost loyalty and fidelity and I deserve the same.
I want to be able to be myself without fear of “see-finish”. I need you to be yourself with me, I want to know all of you. I am pretty strong, but I cry when I’m on my period (it’s the darn hormones) or when I think about my dogs and how i gave them away, and I curse when I drive (currently working on that RN). I curl my lips when I concentrate on stuff and I love trying new stuff. I’ll probably refuse when you ask me to do stuff in the beginning because I don’t want to get too attached. I laugh a lot and especially at myself, I am pretty funny and I make a lot of wacky jokes. I love puns and I love cooking. I am the kind of girl who’d dress up for an event but chose instead to stay in bed with you like we have done for the past three days prior to that. I will lick your face and take pictures of you while you sleep. I will drive you to Epe to try out a ram suya spot I heard about and take you away from your boys just because I can. I will get on your nerves, I will get in your heart, I will tell you I love you 20 times a day and I still won’t fart in your presence. Guess who’s the first person I want to call when I’m stressed at work or who I want to lash out when I feel like being troublesome? Through it all, one thing is for sure, you will never doubt how much I love you. Especially on the days love seems far away.
Someone probably reads this and thinks i’m naive, that i think love is easy. I do think love is easy….when it is real, and i want that real love baby. That “cant believe they are still together, God is really the foundation of that love” kinda love. If we know how much we love each other, if we know we don’t want to be apart, if we know God is for us, how can it not be easy? If we spend all our energy loving each other and being there for each other without distractions, how can we not work? How can it not work when He’s our rock and our fortress? “He only is my Rock and my Salvation; He is my Defense and my Fortress, I shall not be moved. Psalm 62:6” “Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” “I will grant you the desires of your heart, psalm 37:4” “may He grant you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed psalm 20:4”
So tell me again, how isn’t this love possible?

El’Dorado…

On the table was a bottle of champagne and two champagne flutes, their clothes laid strewn on the floor. Their moans could be heard from a long way off, cries of passion and joy escaped through the window. When they were done, he held her tightly and kissed her forehead.
“Marry me”
“What?” She was laughing
“Seriously, marry me”
“April fool”
“I’m serious, Jennifer. I want to be with you” he got up slightly and rested on his elbow “I know today is our anniversary of not dating but just think about it”
“Well, jokes on you. If you had a ring, I’ll totally say yes”
“Well, well, well. For real?”
” Well… I know it was on impulse so yeah” she had that devilish grin smile he’d fallen in love with..
“Hold on” he kissed her nose and got off the bed
She watched him with playfulness that turned into confusion as he brought out a little black box from his suit pocket
“What is that, Kevin?”
“Your ring, future Mrs Henshaw”
She stared wide-eyed him like a deer caught in the headlights
He took her hands and slipped the ring in, it was a perfect fit.
“It fits” was all she could say
“I had it fitted with measurements from one of your rings”
“Wow”
“Yeah, I’ve been walking around with this thing in my pocket for weeks now, waiting for the right moment to tell you. What’s better than our nonversary”
“It’s beautiful, Kevin” she admired the ring
“Thank you.” He heaved a sigh of relief “I was so worried. I kept thinking you weren’t going to say yes, I was so scared…” She half-listened to him go on and on as her mind drifted off…

It had all began on her birthday, she was having a quiet day when her phone rang. It was Funmi, her best friend from college
“Hey hey”
“Happy birthday darling, I can’t believe I almost forgot” Funmi said
“Thank God you didn’t. This is the one of the only two times we talk all year”
“I’m sorry, we should change that though”
“I know, right? How’s work?”
“Boring” she let out a yawn for emphasis and laughed
“How’s your boyfriend?”
“He’s okay hon, do you have one now?”
“Not yet, and I’m not interested in getting any”
“You are just saying that because no one is interested in you”
“You are just stupid” but she was laughing
“Hold on one second” Jennifer could hear her talking to a man in the background
“Is that Onos?”
“No, it’s a friend. By the way, I think you will both be good together” Funmi said
“It’s not that bad please, i can find my own man”
“Shut up and talk to him my friend” Funmi scolded playfully
Before Jennifer could protest, she heard a male voice come on the line
“Good evening”
“Good evening” she was unconsciously shaking her head
“I’m Kevin, you?”
“I’m Jennifer. I hear we will be good together”
He laughed “so I heard, it’s nice meeting you”

They talked for a bit but she didn’t know if she wanted to pursue it. She and Funmi haven’t been close for the past four years, they’d all grown up, so had their taste in men. It was her birthday anyway, and she was known for making stupid decisions on or around her birthday, why make another one consciously this time? Funmi came back on the line and asked her if she wanted to push it, and she said no. So how were they there at that time, with her staring at a ring on her finger like it was the mark of the beast?

Some months after her birthday, she’d received a message from an unknown number. It was a simple “Hey, Jennifer”. The simplicity of the message made her feel a familiarity with the sender, she normally would wait till morning since it was past midnight, but she’d replied “hey, you”. The response had taken her aback, “why are you up late? Are you munching on something?” She stared at the chips in her hand and was stunned. Few people knew about her late night kitchen trips, so this was quite suspicious. From then, they’d developed an easy friendship. He’d made it clear from the next day that he wanted something more, he was so sure, always so sure. She on the other hand wasn’t.
Three days after they met was April fool’s day and she’d asked for his help to prank her friends, and he was only too glad to help. She told her friends they were an item, her friends hung out with them both just to lend credibility to the story, and they fell in love with him. He was the perfect boyfriend and she wished from somewhere deep in her heart that she could let herself go and date him. She wasn’t the relationship type, all she really wanted was someone to be with. They had the conversation over and over again and it always ended the same
“It’s been four months since we started dating and…”
“Kevin we aren’t dating”
“I’ve told you that as far as I’m concerned, we started dating from april 1st. It might have ended for you when you said “April fool” to your friends but to me, it didn’t end”
She stared at him blankly “how does it feel being in a relationship with yourself?”
“Well, you travelled all the way from Abuja to spend the weekend with me, didn’t you? I’d say it’s going pretty well” he laughed at his humor until he saw her face “damn it, it was just a joke”
“We aren’t dating”
“Fine, we aren’t dating. Haven’t been dating for the past four months”
“Thank you”
“Can’t wait for us to date though”
“Argghhh can you not?” She got up from the couch and went into his room, shutting the door behind her.
She’d cool off after some minutes. He’d bring her food, or a snack to munch on and they’d cuddle up in bed. This was the only argument they ever had, she felt it was because they weren’t dating that it was so easy to let things go. Why ruin that in the stupid name of being in a relationship, this way, no one was invested. Just as she thought, he opened the door some minutes later bearing gifts. He sat on the single chair stuffing his face
“Dude I bought that”
“I only share with my girlfriends, sorry”
“I’ll date you for ice cream” and they both laughed
She got up and sat on his legs “you know you mean a lot to me, don’t you?”
“But not enough to date me”
“I just don’t want a name on it”
“I won’t hurt you, trust me”
“I’ll make you as happy as I can, but I won’t do it because you are my boyfriend. I want to do it because you are stupid and I like you”
“Makes some weird sense, I guess. As long as I can smash whenever I want”
“This is why I always say you don’t have sense” but she was laughing. She hugged him, and kissed his forehead
“This one you are kissing my forehead, don’t come and fall in love Aunty”
“Well, you won’t be the worst choice I’ve made” but she knew he was right, so she got up “what’s for dinner?”

Now she was staring at her hand, like it was the plague. She’d allowed him spoil her this “none anniversary”, just to indulge him. She had no idea he was going to take it this far.
“You are still not ready, right?” He was staring at her with those intuitive eyes of his
“Kevin, I’m just stunned”
“I know you jenny, your mind has worked out all the angles within the first few seconds. You look like a deer caught in headlights”
She started laughing “I actually thought the exact same thing about five minutes ago. Sorry, it’s not joke time yet”
“Now you are ranting, because you don’t know what to say and you don’t want to hurt me”
“What can I say? You know me too well”
“It’s still not enough to convince you to be with me” he got up from the bed
“Kevin, I didn’t say that”
“Am I not good enough? I don’t get it”
“You are perfect” she walked to him
“But you are not ready” she didn’t reply “are you fucking serious?”
“Calm down Kevin and please stop cussing”
“Stop telling me what to do. You aren’t my mother or my girlfriend and it’s halfway certain, you won’t be my wife”
“Kevin please don’t say something you’ll regret”
“Really? Like what? What Jennifer? You are going to say no anyway?”
“Now you are helping me make up my mind?”
“No, I’m helping you say what you are too scared to say because you think you’ll hurt me. Well, fuck that, I’m tired of being hurt and smiling like it’s nothing”
“Well, fine then, why don’t I make it easy for you? I told you we weren’t dating but …”
“But what? What? I still fell in love with you? You are fucking amazing, who wouldn’t?”
“Thank you”
“You are equal parts stupid too”
She shook her head
“You are so stupid, you can’t see love even when it’s staring at you in the face”
“You love me doesn’t mean I have to love you back”
“You are in love with me, whether you admit it to yourself or not. It doesn’t get better than this, babe. Not for me, not for you”
“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?”
“You are 29! Do you understand? You’ll be 30 and I’ll be 33 in a few months, do you realise that?”
“Oh Mr Birth Certificate, I totally forgot my own age. Kindly remind me some more” she threw back at him sarcastically “now I’m supposed to marry you out of fear of being an old maid?”
“He’s not coming. I am him. You keep saying you’ll know him when you see him but he’s been with you for two whole years and you still couldn’t see”
“I need to be sure”
“What else do you want me to do? I moved my life from Lagos down to Abuja for you, and as much as I hate it here, you know there’s no where else I’d rather be because you are here”
“Sacrifices like this is what I don’t want, I didn’t ask you for it. I tried to dissuade you from doing it..”
“It’s what people do when they are in love, stupid, they make sacrifices to keep their loved ones happy. What you are looking for is a myth, El’dorado, a place of gold. It doesn’t exist. It doesn’t get better than this, Jennifer. Don’t push me away, babe. Let me love you better, please”
“I need some time”
“I need you to make your decision now, I’m sorry”
“Now you are being selfish”
“I’ve been selfless for two years. Faithful to a woman who won’t even admit she’s mine. I’ve earned my right to be selfish, so choose, me or what you think freedom means”
“I have to go, I’m sorry” she dressed up and walked out..

Shiza’s Dilemma pt3…

“Now tell me all about your escapade”..

I sat rigidly, unable to breathe. I was scared shitless. There was something about Jide, this wasn’t the man I’d married. This wasn’t the way I imagined he’d react to something like this, this was worse. Beyond the glaze in his eyes from the alcohol, Jide was calm, too calm. Every action was controlled. Like he was using every ounce of self control to rein himself in, and that scared me. I’d rather he shouted, or screamed at me or break down and cry. Anything but this mask of put-togetherness standing before me.
“I’m waiting, Shiza”
“Jide I wasn’t exactly lying, I just kept something from you”
He stared at me, silently.
“Talk to me, please. You are scaring me”
“Where were you when I got back?”
“Let’s forget about the last two days, please”
“Tell me the truth”
“I can’t”
“You can’t?”
“It’s over now, that’s all that matters”
“Wow, you must really take me for some stupid toy”
“Noooo, it’s not that. I just don’t want to go into it.”
“Who’s he?”
“Who’s who?”
“Stop it!” He screamed at me, I wasn’t expecting it, and I jumped back in shock.
“Jide please don’t do this to me, don’t do this to us, let’s just let it go” the tears were falling now, I couldn’t help myself
“Stop it, stop the tears. I’m tired of your crying and manipulation.”
“Jide I love you, I love you so much. I want us to work, I want our marriage to work”
“Then come out with the truth dammit! Who’s he? How long have you been fucking him”
I couldn’t utter a word, I just sat on the bar stool looking at my hands
“I don’t believe this…” Just then my phone started to ring, I quickly ran to my bag, took it out and looked at the caller ID, it was Ken. I held the phone tightly to chest. He walked up to me and stretched out his hands
“Give me the phone”
“No, I’m sorry I can’t do that. Please don’t make me”
“What is wrong with you woman, give me the damn phone”
“Jide I love you and I’m…”
“I want you to understand something, Shiza” he was back to that calm voice of his “I’m going to beat the phone out of your hands if I have to. Now, give me the phone”
I knew he meant it, I’d never seen my husband like this. I thought of all the possibilities, all the ways this could turn out and there was no win for me. If I handed the phone to him now, he was going to go through it and see the tons of messages Ken had sent to me in panic on my way home. Messages that spoke too clearly of a love affair and love that couldn’t be. On the other hand, I could always smash the phone and let him think the worst. Problem with that was, Jide might hit me like he promised, at this point, there was no telling what he could or couldn’t do. I wasn’t going to hate my husband for hitting me when it was clearly my fault. I could always swallow the phone but then again, I wasn’t ready to test the rate of expansion of my throat. I gave the phone to him and sat down on the floor, my marriage was over. It was that simple really, however this turned out today, we have both crossed lines we shouldn’t have. I couldn’t believe it, but with one email from an ex-lover, I’d destroyed a happy home, my happy home. I couldn’t even cry anymore, I felt drained, tired. I’d cried too much today, for Ken, for Jide, for myself and all I’d lost and hoped to gain. There was nothing left. I glanced over at Jide, he’d sat down on the couch reading my messages, at least he made it that far. We sat in silence for God knows how long, I was starting to drift when I heard him
“Did you fuck him?”
“What?” I was shocked, of every first question I expected, this wasn’t one.
“I said, did you fuck him”
“Jide, we don’t …”
“The truth. I already read your messages, I want to hear it from you”
I was quiet for a while, then “yes” it was barely a whisper
He nodded “how many times”
“Jide this isn’t nece..”
He cut in “shut up and answer the damn question!”
“Two times, it was two times” I was crying again, this time it was from shame. The reality of what I’d done finally sunk in
“Two rounds? Or it happened twice?” his voice was so low I could barely hear him
“Two rounds” he turned to look at me “about four”
He nodded again “so it wasn’t a mistake, You went back for more”
“I went to break it off with him the second time..”
“But the dick was so good you had to go back for more. One for the road, aye?”
“No it wasn’t that, I just..”
“What? You just what? Loved him? Is that it? It’s the same Ken, isn’t it? The one you wouldn’t stop talking about when we met”
“Stop it..”
“I was patient, I was here. I loved you. I would have given the world for you”
“Past tense?”
“Shiza, how could you?”
“I’m sorry, okay? But you don’t get to judge me. I’ve been faithful to you from the day I agreed to date you. You leave me in this house for weeks, I was lonely. I had a moment of weakness, I am sorry! But you don’t get to sit there and judge me. You knew I never stopped loving him, still you insisted on getting married. I told you..”
“Stop talking. What is wrong with you? Yes, I get to judge you. You know why? Because even when I knew I was married to a woman who still loved someone else, I never cheated. I was faithful to you, from the moment I said hello.”
“Jide..”
“Shut up. I leave you in this house for weeks, for what? To make money for you and the kids you don’t want to have. The other guys at work have a girl in every city, but I was trying to be good enough for you. Hoping that maybe one day, you’ll love me like you loved him. That maybe if I bought you just one more diamond, or took you to one more beautiful city you’ll stop thinking about him. I guess that wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough”
“Jide we can be happy, we were happy”
“I don’t merely want to be happy, I wanted you to be in love with me, madly in love, like I am with you”
“We can start all over, forget this, we can rise from this”
“Nobody can have it all, Shiza, not even you. I’ll sleep in the guest room tonight” he walked away and I sat down on the couch, my life was spiraling out of control and there was nothing I could do about it.

Shiza’s Dilemma, pt2….

Right, I forgot to tell you, I’m married and it’s not to Ken.

“Where have you been?”

I stared at my husband, Jide, for the longest five seconds of my life, unable to
utter a single word.
“I said where have you been?”
“You are back” I managed to say with a fake smile “I wasn’t expecting you today”. I was trying to think, I had to think fast so I could avoid selling myself out. I knew I should have called my PA back, but I’d been so distracted. The missed calls probably meant he had gone to my office to pay me a surprise visit and met my absence. I had to be quick and anticipate whatever he was going to throw my way.
“Shiza, what’s going on? Why are you avoiding my question?”
“I’m not. Fine, I went out with Funmi”
“You left work to go out with Funmi?”
Funmi is my friend whom Jide detests to say the least, so it made sense that I’d go to see her and keep it away from him. Thanking God for fast reflexes I said
“Yes. She is having problems with Chinedu again, so she called me crying.”
“And you left your office all day to play the therapist”
He clearly wasn’t buying it, it was obviously time to take it up a notch
“He hit her this time Jide, she was scared”
If Jide had a weakness, it was a beaten woman.
“Why would he do that? No matter what she did. If I see him, I’m going to talk some sense into him”
“He’s clearly a bastard and this has gone too far” I heaved a sigh of relief as I walked to the bathroom.
This wasn’t the welcome I should have given my husband I hadn’t seen in almost two weeks, but damn, he had taken me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting him for another week, this was too close. I couldn’t afford the risk.
“Honey, hope everything is okay” I shouted from the bathroom “I wasn’t expecting you for another couple of days”.
“Everything is great, I got done early and I didn’t see the point of staying back. Besides I missed my wife a little to much”
I stepped out of the shower and into the bedroom. I put on my old-maid nightie and got ready for bed. As I laid on the bed, he wrapped his hand around me and i shivered.
“Are you cold?”
“Yes I guess”
He pulled me closer and started nibbling on my ears
“Not tonight baby”
“Come on honey, I missed you”
“Seriously Jide, not tonight” I pushed him off
“I haven’t seen you in almost two weeks and you don’t want to have sex with me?” He sounded shocked and hurt
“No, it’s not that. I just had the darndest day. You should have seen her face, swollen and all. I just need to sleep. We had so much icecream I think I’m going to puke. I’ll make it up to you” I pecked him on the cheeks and turned my back to him. I slept off waiting to hear him sleep but that wasn’t happening anytime soon.

I woke up the next morning to an empty bedside, the smell of breakfast filtered upstairs. I was hungry.. I laid in bed a little while longer, trying to recapture the previous day. It was like a dream, a surreal experience. But for my sore vagina, I could swear it was all my imagination. I quickly ran into the bathroom, maybe if I was ready for work, Jide wouldn’t bother me with sex. I felt like I’d be cheating on Ken, stupid I know but that was my reality. I got ready for work and went downstairs, Jide was already ready for work.
“Hey baby, didn’t want to wake you up”
“It’s fine, how was your night?”
“Was good, thought you’d rush down immediately you woke up”
“Had to quickly get ready, don’t wanna be late for work”
he walked over to where I sat, staring at me deeply with those eyes that seemed to read souls “something looks different”
“Something? What are you talking about?” I focused on checking for God-knows-what in my bag
“I can’t place it, but you are glowing”
“Glowing?” I forced a laugh “is that the best you can do? Besides, osnt that a good thing?”
He reached out and touched my face “it’s not the best I can do, but it’s the best I want to admit” he held my face in both hands, forcing me to look at him
I swallowed hard and forced myself to not break eye contact
“what are you talking about babe?”
“I’ll ask you point blank, and tell me the truth” I was held spellbound by the intensity of his gaze
“Okay”
“Is there someone else? Are you cheating on me?”
“What?” I chuckled nervously
“Are you sleeping with someone else?”
“Where did that come from?”
“You are dodging the question”
“How dare you ask me that? You know me. We have been together for five years, married for two, you think I’d cheat on you?
“Calm down, you are overreacting. I only asked you a simple question”
“On what basis?”
“On the basis that my wife refused to have sex with me even though she hasn’t seen me in two weeks”
“So because I refused to have sex with you, it means I’m cheating?”
“You left the office yesterday without telling anyone where you were going to, not even your PA and you always tell her”
“My friend was beaten black and blue by her bastard of a boyfriend and I decided to go be with her, what’s the harm in that?”
“It’s unlike you and it’s mighty suspicious”
“So because I deviate from your norm, I’m cheating?”
“No it’s not just that, I just..”
“You just what?”
“Nothing, I just thought..”
I cut him quickly “you know what? Fuck you and fuck this. It’s only a cheating man who accuses a faithful woman of cheating because your cheating eyes are making you see signs everywhere”
“Shiz, come on” he tried to hold me
“Don’t you fucking touch me, you fucking cheating pig. You travel every where for days and weeks and I’m stuck here alone at home, faithful to you and you dare accuse me of cheating?”
“Shiza please, stop abusing me. I’ve never cheated on you, you know me.”
“I thought I did, and I thought you knew me too”
“Let’s forget about this, I’m sorry. You don’t have to have sex with me if you don’t want to.”
I was crying now. Crying because I was overreacting and it was all because of Ken. Crying because I just flipped a fuckboy script on a good man, who I’d sworn to love and be faithful to before God and man. Crying because I knew he didn’t deserve it, Jide was a model husband. A dream come true, straight out of Cosmopolitan magazine.
I walked to the door and turned around “I’m not coming home tonight, don’t wait up for me”.
“Shiza, I’m sorry, please don’t ”
“Don’t, please don’t”

I got to my office and sat down. I couldn’t concentrate on my work. I had to think, and I had to think fast.
There were two men in my life, one my husband, the other my first love. Jide had loved me when I thought I was unlovable, he had taken his time to mend back the pieces of my heart. He had loved me and brought my heart back to life. What Ken had destroyed he had repaired. Showed me what love really was. I’ve known him for five years, but he’d spent two of those years cleaning up after someone else. Mending what someone else tore. I can’t believe I was willing to throw all that away for Ken. Selfish, selfish Ken. I knew what to do, I’d go over to Ken’s and break it off.

Decision made, I tidied my desk and called my PA.
“I’m leaving, but I’ll be back. If I’m not back before work ends, go home.”
As soon as I got to Ken’s room, I realized I’d forgotten in my hurry to call him before I got there. Well, I was here already, nothing we can do about that now.

I knocked on his door
“Who’s it?”
“It’s Shiza”
There was a pause and the door opened
“Hey babe, I could get used to this” he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me in, kissing me deeply. I kissed him back, well, we could talk later.

A short while and lots of sex later, I said “we need to talk”
“Ahhhh now?”
“Yes”
“I’m fagged out, can we do it tomorrow”
“It’s pretty important”
“Fine”
“My husband suspects”
“Ok”
Ignored him and continued
“I think we need to chill for a while”
“I thought he’s out of town”
“He came back yesterday and came to the office to surprise, me but I wasn’t around. That’s what my assistant kept calling me about”
“So what do you want to do?”
“I want to take a break”
“Awesome!” He sat up “So you are going back to London with me”
“No, I’m taking a break from you”
“Are you trying to be funny?”
“No”
“Don’t do this a second time”
“You did it the first time”
“Please, think about what you are doing”
“I have, and I’ve made up my mind. You left me, he’s been there ever since”
“Now I’m back, please don’t go”
I walked into the bathroom to take a bath, when I came out, he was still sitting on the bed.
“So you are leaving me?”
“Don’t make it awkward”
“You’ll be back, Shiza”
“You have always been cocky”
He grabbed my hands “we are destined to be together, no husband or marriage can change that”
I was getting angry now “stop it, just stop it”
“I love you, you just don’t throw that away. Does he make you quiver the way I do? Do you scream his name in bed the way you scream mine”
His phone started to ring
“Just listen to yourself, just hear yourself talk. What else can you offer me apart from sex?”
“I can offer you my heart and a life in London”
“And my job? My family?”
“We will sort all that out later, for now, I just need you to agree to leave with me”
“Are you stupid? I’m a married woman!”
“We already had sex. Four times. That’s grounds for divorce, even in the bible”
His phone kept ringing but he ignored it
“Please pick up your phone, the caller’s persistence is annoying”
“Don’t worry I’ll call her back?”
“Her?”
“Yeah. Listen Shiza, we can go back to the way we were. Remember the university days?”
Of course I remembered. I remembered it all too well. I sat down on the bed, my heart wanted an enternity with Jide, just the way our young hearts had wanted. But my head said “NO”. It wasn’t right. Just then a skype call came through on his iPad, I was closest to it so I picked it up to pass it along and out of impulse I checked the screen. Skype ID read “Mrs Ebuka💍”, with a profile picture of him and a beautiful white lady kissing. I couldn’t believe my eyes, I totally wasn’t expecting this
“I know that look, listen it’s not what it looks like” he walked over and squatted in front of me
” it looks like you are married Ken Ebuka, is that not it?
“We are going through a rough patch at the moment”
“Are you married or not?” My voice was frighteningly calm
“I am but…” Before I knew what I was doing, I slapped him
“You bastard, you freaking fucking bastard”
“Calm down Shiza, I think you are over reacting” he tried to hold me but I pushed him off and stood up
“Lose my number, I mean it” I started to get dressed
“We are getting a divorce, I was waiting for the right time to tell you”
“You wanted me to give up my whole life for you while you were still married, how could you? Haven’t you hurt me enough? ”
“Now, I’m trying to make things right”
“By keeping something of this magnitude away from me?”
“I didn’t want to hurt you”
“And look at me now, you totally did not hurt me”
“There was no right time to say it. What was I supposed to say? Hey Shiza, long time no see, I’m married.”
“Shut up. There were lots of times”
“Like when?”
“Like when I told you I was married, like when we were playing catch up. Hell, even when you were deep inside me. Anything but me finding out like this”
“Would you have had sex with me if I’d told you?”
“Is that all this is to you? Sex?”
“Now you are going to pick on that? Really?”
“I’m not doing this with you, please just leave me alone” I tried to walk out but he wouldn’t budge
“Shiza you are totally overreacting”
“Overreacting?.. You are pathetic. Please, go back to your wife. Forget about me, I’m going to do the same” tears were streaming down my face now
“We are destined…” I picked the ipad which wouldn’t stop ringing and threw it at him
“Bastard!!! Come near me again and I’ll scream rape. Fool” I picked up my shoes and bag and walked out

I got home, walked up the stairs, my legs heavy. I made up my mind to be the best wife Jide had ever imagined, I was going to spend the rest of our lives making it up to him. Probably revisit the idea of having kids, I’ve been refusing for two years now using work as an excuse. This would be my little secret, I’d never tell him. I opened the door and there my husband was, on the sitting room floor, a bottle of vodka by his side. My heart broke, I walked up to him and sat down by his side
“I’m home, my love”
“Welcome wife, now you won’t believe who I ran into today”
“Who?” I took the bottle from him and walked to the bar
“Chinedu the woman beater with amnesia”
I turned around, as if in a trance “and?”
“I was so mad at him for not remembering he beat his girlfriend, he took me to her office and guess what?”
“What?” My hands were shaking and my heart was racing
“You should have told her you were lying in her name”
“Jide…”
“She even showed me her ring, and she told me you hadn’t seen it yet”
“Jide please…”
“If you weren’t so busy skipping work and going on scarlet runs, maybe you’d know your friend got engaged two days ago and they were attending therapy”
“I swear, I…”
He raised his index finger, silencing me. He walked up to me, took the bottle of vodka from my shaking hands and sat me down at the bar
“Now tell me all about your escapade”

Shiza’s Dilemma…

I had my back to the bathroom door and I sighed as I let the hot water run down my spine. The steam rose, covering the bathroom in fog as hot water hit me hard. My dangling jugs drooped as i placed my hands on the tiled wall and smiled, letting myself bask in the warmth. I could feel his hands on me still, hands that knew what they were doing, hands that knew my body. I smiled to myself as I soaped my body, not to erase traces of him, but to touch myself as he had touched me. My fair skin felt hot but I knew it had little to do with the water and everything to do with the man who slept on the bed in the adjoining bedroom. I realized I was grinning again, man, It was the university days all over again.

This morning I’d left for work, wearing a bright lace underwear, knowing Ken was going to take it off. I’d gotten to work, made up an excuse and left. I knocked on his hotel room door, with a few buttons of my boring work blouse “accidentally” open, and my hair slightly ruffled just the way he liked it. My skirt was bunched up and I could feel the hallway AC blasting cold air and the goose pimples springing up. I was going to knock again, when the door opened. He couldn’t hide the desire in his eyes as he took my whole outfit in

“Sorry to bother you, but can I use your phone? I lost my room key and I need to call the hotel to send up a key” Ken was a sucker for role-playing and I wanted our first time after so many years to be perfect
“Sure, do come in” he opened the door wider and stepped aside slightly so I had to brush past him on my way. Well, two can play that game. I let my breasts brush his hands as I walked past, I could see his eyes flare up. Chalk that up, Shiza 1: Ken 0
I got in and sat down on his bed
“Aren’t you going to use the phone anymore?” He asked with that seductive half-smile that always melted my heart.
“I think I’ll use the bathroom first, do you mind?”
“Knock yourself out”
“Thank you” I said as I walked to the bathroom, wiggling my ample behind

I got to the bathroom and took off my clothes, leaving just my red undies and 6 inch-inappropriate-for-work heels. I picked up the complimentary bathrobe and walked out. He was by the telephone ordering room service, champagne included, as I walked out. He looked up at me and smiled, holding up his index finger. When he was done, he walked up to me. I let the bathrobe fall
“Oops”
He stopped in his tracks, looking at me in that way I’d almost forgotten. I laid on the bed and smiled at him. He was quickly on top of
me, holding my hands above my head, one hand under my back and my bra came off. I lifted my head up and kissed him…

Now I’m in the shower trying to relive the memories of the last hour, laying down beside the love of my life. Ken, the only man I’d ever loved. Ken had hurt me but I loved him anyway.

I heard the bathroom door open but I didn’t turn around, instead I arched my back and felt his pelvis grind into mine.
“Your body filled out perfectly”
“Thank you” I was smiling
He kissed my neck down to my back
“Damn, womanhood did you good”
I was moaning now, he gripped my boobs from behind kneading my nipples
“I’ve missed you so much, I was running mad whenever I thought of anyone else touching you”
“You are still the only one who has my heart, Ken”
“The way you say my name”
“Ken, Ken”I whispered
“Damn girl” he turned off the shower and pushed my back down “touch your toes” I did and he bent down, head between my legs and started to eat me out. Soon I was screaming, as I was about to cum, he stood up and turned me around. I felt my legs buckling and I held on to him. And then, let’s just say we took a really really long shower.

We both laid on the bed, too clean and too spent to move, my back was to him and he held me tightly to his chest

“What is it?” He asked
“What is what?”
“What is bothering you?”
“I’m not bothered”
“Shiza, save that lie for someone else.” When I still said nothing, he turned me around “Look at me, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m okay”
“Since when did you become a typical woman?”
“Well, since I became a woman”
He laughed and pulled me up on top of him
“Talk to me, honey”
“Why did you leave?”
“But I already told you, I had to go”
“Why didn’t you tell me when you got accepted to study abroad? You just upped and left and all I got was an email containing a flimsy excuse”
“I know and I’m sorry”
I felt my temper rise. Sorry? That was all he said. He didn’t even deem me worthy of an explanation.
“I have to go” I needed to leave, the tears were starting to build. I got up from the bed and looked for my undies
“Are you mad at me?”
“Have you done something wrong?” I asked, angrily putting on my skirt
He burst out laughing “you have got the whole woman thing down pat”
“I’ve had years of experience ”
“Shiza, I don’t know if it’s any consolation, but I never stopped loving you”
I spurned around, not believing my ears “consolation? Ken, are you trying to console me?”
“What? No! No, not at all” he was shaking his head fast
I sat down on the bed. “I loved you Ken, I thought we were going to be together forever”
“Loved? And now?”
“Now I don’t know. It doesn’t matter anyway” The tears were falling now
“Come here” he held me tight and I just let it all go. Years of self torture, not knowing why he had left. Years spent waiting for him, hoping he’d come back home. The emails had been fairly consistent for the first year and half, then they’d come every other month and eventually they stopped all together. Last week, I’d gotten an email. He said he was coming home and he wanted to meet for a drink, like an idiot I’d replied knowing fully well it would lead to this. I’d tried to tell myself I was grown, that I wasn’t a kid anymore. We’d met and I could see, my Ken had grown from a scrawny young boy into a hunk. I knew I should have kept up with him over the years on social media instead of blocking his ass everywhere, I wasn’t ready for this chocolate Adonis in front of me. It wasn’t as much his looks as it was the confidence he exuded. There was something about him, and I liked the new him. We talked for hours and I could see the chemistry was still there. I’d never stopped loving him and I could see he still loved me. We spent the next several hours talking, laughing, going over the past, talking about the present. I’d missed him and he’d clearly missed me too
“I like the new accent” I said teasing
“It’s nice, innit?” And we both burst out laughing
“London did you good”
” I see Nigeria didn’t hurt much either.” We both smiled “I really missed you, Shiza. I thought about you every day”
“I can tell by the number of missed calls I’ve had in the last seven years”
“Still feisty, yeah? I’ve missed that” he held my hand “I still love you and if it’s okay, I want to pick up from where we left off”
“No it’s not okay” I said pulling my hands away
“Okay, I’ll let you think about it”
“There’s nothing to think about” I said, getting angry “who do you think you are? You walk out of my life without notice and then you waltz back in after eight years, expecting that time stood still? Who the fuck do you think you are?” I’d raised my voice and I’d drawn a few stares but I didn’t care
“I think I’m the love of your life as you are mine” he said calmly
“Go fuck yourself” I stood up to leave
“I’m sorry, Shiza, I just thought you still felt the same way for me”
“It doesn’t matter what I thought, I once thought we’d always be together but here we are” I said wiping tears off my eyes
“I’m sorry, I just thought…”
“Well you thought wrong” I cut in
“Atleast let’s finish our drinks”
“Don’t ever call me again, Ken” and I’d left.
So how was I in his hotel room, having sex? Well, Ken is the love of my life. I’m sure everyone who has ever loved can understand that. It didn’t hurt either that he was the first man I’d slept with and I was a tiny bit curious to see how the sex would be 9 years later. I’d called him the next day from work, which was too long because I couldn’t get him off my mind
“I’m so glad you called, couldn’t stop thinking about you. it was so nice to see you yesterday. Gosh, you are even more beautiful now than you used to be”
“You still have a smooth tongue”
“You know I don’t lie to you”
“Oh really?” I caught myself twirling my hair and quickly straightened up
“Really. Listen Shiza, why don’t you come over so we can talk? We should finish that drink. What do you say?”
“Sure, what’s the harm in that?”
“Exactly.”
“Where?”
“You know I’m not really conversant with Lagos anymore, so please let’s make it my hotel”
“No Ken, that’s too close to your room. I admit it, I’m still attracted to you. I can’t risk everything for a roll in the hay”
“Baby, I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do. Whatever you want I’m down”
“Ken please, you know I can’t”
“Then we won’t. But I’m not mobile and I’m really not cool with the way cabs look here. Chike hasn’t brought my car down so I can’t drive”
“How’s that brother of yours?”
“He’s okay, keeps asking if I’ve seen you. Sends his regards”
“Mine to him too.”
“For sure, nwunye’m”
“Ken…”
“Yes?”
“You do know we are going to have sex when we see right?”
“Can’t say I’m not hopeful, but I’ll try to not make you do what you don’t want to do”
“Thank you, see you tomorrow.”

When I was done crying, I got up and went into the bathroom to wash my face. I was famished. We sat down to eat and it was like we were back to our university days, laughing and talking over food. Forgetting there was a life outside of our immediate surrounding. I’d missed Ken, but I couldn’t ignore my life anymore. I got up and dressed up
“Can’t you spend the night?”
“No I can’t”
“You’ve already missed work, what’s the rush?”
“I can’t miss work tomorrow and I didn’t bring extra work clothes, besides this was supposed to be a one time thing. Doesn’t involve waking up next to you”
I picked up my cell phone “12 missed calls, I wonder what was so pressing that my PA had to call me this much. I’ll call her when I get home.”
“You should come over again tomorrow”
“Someone is getting greedy”
“I know, it’s just that I’ve missed you”
“Fine, tomorrow”

I got home, humming a song, smiling to myself. I’d not felt this happy in a while, i climbed up the stairs and into my bedroom, I opened the door and I couldn’t believe my eyes. There my husband was, sitting on the bed, his eyes burning with anger. Right, I forgot to tell you, I’m married and it’s not to Ken.

“Where have you been?”

Are you looking forward to pt2? Tell me your thoughts on it..😊